Back. Again.

Annnnnd we’re back. Again. I realize that I do this ALL THE TIME. At least I’m consistent.

So a lot has happened since I last wrote. I don’t even know when that was if I’m being honest. Mostly, I got a new job. I’ve been thinking about posting about my new job for a while now, but I hadn’t really gotten anything formulated in my head.

The best part about my new job is the rejuvenation that I’ve gotten from it. I didn’t realize how much of me was getting sucked away by my old job. Now – for all the readers out there who know me personally (THOROUGH my old job non-the-less) let me make one thing clear: I am who I am because of that job. That job contributed to make me into the woman I am today – and I’m so grateful for it. Many of my old coworkers from they are part of my Found Family.

But.

That job was killing me.

Not me physically. But the existential energy that made me me was getting diverted and was feeding other things. Now – I feel like I’m back. I’m devouring books again. I’m picking my knitting back up again. But mostly, mostly I’m writing again.

I haven’t worked on my writing in at least four years.

FOUR YEARS!!!!

Writing used to be my drug. Back in middle school, every piece of paper I came across had some blurb of writing scrawled on it.

Then, I went to school to hone my craft. It was probably one of the best and worse things I’ve ever done for my writing.

The worst, because I forced myself to finish my thesis in 2 semesters. I burnt myself out. By the time I was done with it – I wanted nothing to do with writing or even that genre for a while. Then, by the time I was ready to get back to it – all my energy was going into my work. I mean, that’s great if that job/position was going to be a career, but that wasn’t me. Part of me loved that job. I was GOOD at that job. But – that job… it didn’t take anything away from me, but I was too tired at the end of the day to focus on those core parts of me.

Now, I’m not.

This post was supposed to be about something different. It was supposed to be about what’s it like to be “writing” again (even though I haven’t actually put any new words to paper…) but then – this came out.

So here we are. At the moment, I’m getting to know my novel again. It’s been 4 years. I don’t know who those characters are. I don’t know the plot inside out. It’s frustrating, but I’m looking at it with new eyes. Eyes that are able to see all the flaws and strengths so much more clearly than before.

So stayed tuned – it’s going to be a bumpy (but fun) ride.

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