I might’ve written something like this before…
Anyway, I’ve hit this wall. This wall of just not caring about my craft and it totally sucks.
Writing used to be my passion. I mean, I used to have so many ideas and just such energy that I filled notebooks up with scrawling. Seriously, everywhere I went, I spent 90% of the time writing. Restaurant: wrote on the back of paper napkins. Church: Wrote all over the bulletin. School: well…notebooks. I even wrote fanfiction.
Now it’s like another job. I have contests I want to enter. Samples I’m preparing as samples for Agents. Articles that I write for culturemass.com. I’m trying to build a web presence, a publishing history, and maybe even make a little money along the way (because isn’t that part of why I got an MFA?).
So, in other words, now there’s all this ….pressure. And it’s all from me! I’m putting all this pressure on me and my craft. That it has to work out. That it has to be done. And just thinking about it all is exhausting. Then, I sit down to write and nothing comes out.
…Which freaks me out even more.
I know what it all comes from.
I’m not writing for me anymore. I’m writing for my career. It’s become work, and it’s less fun. Which is also scary and freaks me out. (I think this is why authors do writing retreats, but I can’t afford a writing retreat so what’s a girl to do? Push through it.)
This big question here is: HOW DO I MAKE IT FUN AGAIN?
The answer: *shrug* I don’t know.
My plan for now is to just power through it. That’s all I can do. It’ll be fun again one day. I’m not going to give up on that day.